Musings on Death

Death is a lot of things; it’s sad, tragic, difficult, but above all, death is just weird.  It’s just plain fucking weird that this person is no longer there.  Months, years afterward, you think to yourself about having a conversation with them and you can’t.  It’s impossible.  This is very very weird and it’s very hard for the human mind to deal with, and I think that’s why people imagine they can talk to the dead, whether via prayer or a ouiji board or John Edwards.

I’ve been reading recently about how when we operate devices or manipulate things, our brain essentially considers the object under control as part of the body.  Like when driving, the feedback you feel from the steering wheel, your ears, your eyes, is barely different from the way you process things while walking or running.  Or when swinging a hammer, you become adept at the sensation of hitting a nail; you can feel when you’ve missed or hit off-center.  And I wonder if our brains don’t conceptualize outside minds in a similar way.  Do our minds assimilate other people’s minds in the same way we assimilate tools?

I think so.  I think we form a mental model of the people in our lives.  They’re fuzzy and full of quick-draw stereotypes when we first meet and assess them, but gradually we understand them better and begin to empathize with their feelings and predict their decisions with greater accuracy.

This maybe explains some of the difficulty with death.  When someone important dies, it’s as though part of you is gone; whereas before you’d put off making decisions until talking to this person, now you’ve lost that part of your decision making apparatus (for lack of better terms).  Or if this person was someone whose opinions you respected, and whose views on politics or philosophy or whatever served as a reaction around which to form your own, their sudden non-existence may make dealing with future problems a difficult proposition.

Everything changes when someone important dies, as far as I can tell.  One’s self is left with holes, for an intelligence and heart which one previously relied upon has vanished.

Seven

pride, greed, envy, sloth, lust, gluttony, wrath

Of the seven, only pride is really deadly.  Pride makes you believe that money is any real measurement of the spirit.  Pride makes you believe you’re too good to get your hands dirty, to get your muscles sore, and helps rationalize away the times you avoided helping someone.  Pride enables entitlement, that despicable providence, that you ought to have or own anything over anyone else.  Lack of pride makes you insecure.  Lack of pride makes you join a group to gain a sense of self-worth.  Pride creates avoidant behaviors – because you’re too proud to bear pain, your pride creates a defense mechanism instead of allowing a breakdown.  Pride warps your sense of justice and fairness, and generates anger when things don’t go according to your ego.

“Think for yourself”

I posted this on some blog comment somewhere in response to someone who said you should “think for yourself” regarding the (non-existent) vaccination-autism link.  I like how it turned out:

If I was abandoned on an island at birth and somehow survived to this day, I’d probably think the yellow thing in the sky was just a big dot on some firmament, or maybe a big flaming sky-turtle.  Who knows. But that’s where “thinking for myself” would get me without the chastening of science. As it is, however, I have all sorts of other people’s evidence to inform me, and I owe it to them and to the rest of humanity to consider it.

The Myth Of Consistency

Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.
- Bernard Berenson

It seems often in today’s society, we view someone that changes their mind as fickle.  Look at what happened when John Kerry changed his mind on the Iraq war – he was very successfully (memetically speaking) labeled a “flip-flopper”, as if it is somehow a sign of weakness to use new information and recent evidence to reconsider your beliefs.

In my opinion, the surest sign of willful ignorance and close-mindedness is the inability to back up your assertions with evidence.  Truly intelligent people MUST question their own assumptions constantly, or they risk losing touch with reality.

A draft of a thought

I just found the below in my drafts folder.  I think I wanted to expand on it, but now I’m not so sure it would benefit.  So here it is:

So I just had a thought while I was in the shower (where all my most thoughtful thoughts are thunk) – what if all human anxiety could be alleviated with a simple tweaking of expectations?

Allow me to explain.  My theory is that anxiety stems from expectations that failed to be met.  Like, I expected a promotion and didn’t get it, so now I hate myself, want to kill my boss, etc.   What happens if we simply tweak the expectation?

Beautiful word

cacophony – kuh-KAH-fuh-nee

The opposite of harmony – when many sounds blend, they produce something harsh.  I don’t think harmony and cacophony are mututally exclusive – the THX sound is a good example of cacophony transitioning to harmony.

A New Hedonism

Hedonism’s gotten a bad rap in the past.  In my experience, it’s always been referred to in a context of seeking immediate pleasures – sex, drugs, junk food, etc.  But couldn’t there be a different, more long-term hedonism?

Having all sorts of sex might feel good, but it’s got long-term consequences.  For one, if it’s with multiple partners, there’s obviously a higher risk of infection and babies and that sort of thing.  Additionally, time spent having sex is naturally time spent NOT doing anything else, so you’re necessarily choosing not to use your time for something that may be more pleasurable in the long run.

One criticism of hedonism could be that it’s selfish – that it favors ruthless competition over cooperation, and abhors altruism.  But that doesn’t have to be the case.  In many (I would argue all) situations, cooperation and altruism simply feel better than the alternatives.  Comforting a sad person feels good.  Donating money to good causes feels good.  Treating everyone with dignity, including purported competitors, feels good.

On the flip side, competitiveness may feel good, especially when you win, but it’s bad for you in the long run.  Because you’ve been competitive, you may have lost a future ally.  Lashing out at someone who’s hurt us may feel cathartic, but understanding their perspective and interpreting their actions with aplomb is far more useful.

I think the world would be a better place if everyone were long-term hedonists.

Admissions

My current hypothesis for improving humanity: We need to form a collaborative effort in learning how to admit we’re wrong about things.  This goes along with evidence-based learning: if the evidence demonstrates that you are wrong, you must be willing to admit it.  Hope is only sustainable when there’s a dearth of evidence, when gut feelings are all we have to go on.  But when there’s enough evidence, hope and pride are folly.

A Rant, Directed At The Old Me

Listen. Yes, you have depression, and yes, depression is a disease. But, calling depression a disease does not absolve the afflicted of the responsibility to correct it. It doesn’t mean that you deserve pity, or that it’s something that you just can’t help. Just because it’s a disease does not mean it’s not a fucking character flaw.

I’m sure as hell not trying to place blame on you for being depressed. I’m not trying to say that its effects are not real, or that you’re a Bad Person because you’re depressed. But it is imaginary, and it is all in your head. It is the result of flawed, irrational, false thoughts, and it must be corrected, by YOU, if you ever actually want to be happy.

No one else can fix this for you. Your brain is not a car engine, which experts may disassemble and mend and reassemble. You cannot order a new one from a catalog. You cannot send it back because there is no warranty. Your brain and mind are stuck inside your head, and so the buck stops there. Maybe others can offer some guidance and advice, but the hard work is yours alone. By the very nature of this disease, the depressed must fix themselves. Others can help, but salvation ultimately lies within.

Listen. I love you; that is to say, I love me, now and ago and to come. But do you love you? Will you end up where I am?

Amazon MP3

I love Amazon MP3: http://tinyurl.com/5ct8vr

Plain old play-anywhere MP3s.  No awful DRM like iTunes.  No stupid subscription like eMusic.

I would be even more excited if it hadn’t taken so damn long for someone to figure this out!